I got the giggles the other night at the dinner table. It wasn't anything even that funny - it just struck a nerve with me. My nerves work great, but with age my muscles aren't what they used to be. In particular I am speaking of the muscle that used to be able to stop the flood waters coming from my bladder. You see, you don't have to have birthed a whole football squad (or two - like those Duggars) to have your lady parts start drooping . Age and gravity make it so that eventually my innards are going to be sagging between my knees. At least you wont be able to see them because my boobs will be below them blocking the view.
So, I peed. I'm not too proud or embarrassed to say it, so no worries. It's what happened immediately after that makes me think that I might be losing my grip on the small amount of sanity that I have left.
I proceeded to the laundry room to throw my damp garments into the wash along with a few other items that needed to fill a load. I really love doing laundry with my new machines. They sing my praises at the start and end of every load. Happy to have gotten another "chore" under my belt, I settled in for some TV viewing while the Hubby sorted his tools in the garage.
I heard "thump, slosh, thump, slosh."
I called into the garage, "Honey are you banging around?" He said that he was making some noise clunking around with his tools. His clatter just wasn't loud enough, though.
Back into the house and I heard "thump, slosh, pause, thump, slosh." It was not coming from the garage and really sounded water-ish. Now I'm thinking that Favorite Son might be wailing away with the plunger in his bathroom. Moving towards that direction, I heard the mysterious noise more clearly. It was coming from the laundry - aha! Now that made sense. The machines are so quiet that I had forgotten they were on and the thumpy, metallic noise must be the rivet on my jeans. Problem solved. I returned to my TV show.
The bell sounded ending Round One and I proceeded to the washer to move the clothes over to the dryer. Pulling out some of the clothes I heard the "thump" one more time. I glanced in the washer and there was my pretty blue cell phone all squeaky clean and shiny. It had been in the pocket of one of my freshly washed jeans.
I quickly grabbed it thinking that maybe I could perform some sort of emergency CPR to revive it. It started vibrating in kind of a last ditch death throe and went dead in my hand. As I felt the last shake of life in my palm, I ran to the kitchen to complete my emergency resuscitation technique and dumped rice all over the phone and battery. That isn't crazy - it's how you dry out your phone after you drop it in the toilet - look it up!
Naturally, all of my efforts were in vain as the phone was beyond flat-lining. I felt so bad. My phone had died a violent death succumbing to water torture. It's last act of defiance was to erase it's memory to keep it from being captured by enemy forces.
So I am now the proud owner of a new phone. It isn't one of those "smart" phones because I don't want to own any device that is smarter than me. It has some cool new features that my old trusty phone didn't have. I lost all of my pictures (getting used to that) and my contacts. So if you want to be in my phone just send me your info - you can be #1 in my contact list!
This phone also has these buttons for Facebook and twitter. I guess I can have instant access to these things if I had a face or a twit. So, I'm asking you for the benefit of going to the dark side and getting on Facebook or twitter.
Other than following YOU, give me some reasons to join the lemmings. And if I do, do I use my blogging name? Do I really have to read about what people are eating for lunch? Will it make my tiny blog so popular that I'll need my own server? There are so many questions...Help...