Why you should use the Free Space when playing Bingo at the DMV

Have you ever spent much time at the DMV? If you answered "no" then you must not drive or own a vehicle. DMV's operate in an alternate universe than ours. They mark their time in another dimension than we live in and report to aliens, as far as I can tell. Because in most normal places of business, if employees acted like they do at DMV, they would have to immediately turn in their keys and have security escort them from the building.

Her Royal Cuteness has her Learner's Permit. Enough said. Increase your life insurance now if you haven't already and update your will. Since she got it while we were living in the apartment away from home, she needed to change her address back to our house. For some reason the convenient on-line system wouldn't recognize her customer number and save us all the hassle of a visit. So, off we merrily went to the DMV that is in the suburbs of our area.

First thing that you notice is that the DMV really doesn't care that you have come to their place of business. When you arrive you are required to report to a central desk where they ask you why you have dared to enter the palace of the great and mighty Oz. The lady (we'll just call her that because I try to teach my children not to call someone "bitch" to their face) at the desk ignored us for several minutes as she adjusted the height of her chair and talked to her coworker. I guess that it was hard to see us as WE WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN LINE!

She finally looked down her nose long enough to listen to our incredibly complicated problem, hand us a clipboard with paperwork, and give us our assigned number. The DMV assigns all customers a coded number when you arrive and say the magic word to the troll so that you can cross the bridge. Ours was B80. They use an apparently random system of letters and numbers that means something to them, but to us means "you will be in line until you die."

We sat next to some guy to fill out the forms and grow hair and fingernails. We chatted and he said that this was the most multicultural DMV that he had ever been to. And he was RIGHT! There was a Lama (no not the animal, the religious dude) at the counter being helped (make note to dress in religious garb for quicker service), there was a lady singing in a language I didn't recognize to an infant, there were Blacks, Whites, Indians and Asians, and who knows who else. It was kind of fascinating in a "I'm bored and at the DMV sort of way."

While you are waiting, the overhead speaker announces the customer number of the next available window. There was R239, and T112. Later C75, C76, and C77. We heard F37 and A20. There were numerous others as we sat and sat. The gentleman that we were talking to said that he had been there for over 20 minutes and hadn't heard a single number in his alphabet range. This did not bode well for us. They started calling numbers close to our new friend's. He got excited and asked us to pardon him he he got a little "Praise and Glory" coming out of him on his personal journey to the promised land. Finally the numbers got closer and we heard "B80." "BINGO!!", we both erupted. It was difficult not to shout it as we raced to the counter.

Since someone had apparently driven a house over the Wicked Witch of the East, her sister was now manning the desk we were assigned. Stifling our snarky remarks, we quickly posted bail and had HRC's new mug shot taken. You are by law not allowed to smile or show teeth in your picture.

My question is how can they keep the masses from toothily grinning in such a happy place??