I'm Ungrateful - What's the Problem?

I know, this is supposed to be a humor blog, but let me just get serious for one second. Then I'll find the funny. In the past eight months I have thought a lot about things that I have to be thankful for. I am so glad that we (including our dog) were not hurt in our fire. I am grateful for fantastic neighbors who held us up physically and emotionally and gave us their time and energy to help us recover what we could. I am lucky that we had insurance that will help us rebuild our home and replace our belongings.

This same insurance has helped to provide us with our current living accommodations, and it is great that we aren't truly homeless. HOWEVER, there are many things that I will not miss about the apartment away from home.

Here are 10 things I won't miss in the least!:

1. Following my dog around with a bag of shit in my hand. (see This Post  if interested).

2. Climbing three flights of concrete stairs when they are icy and I've got groceries. It could have been a hit on youtube. Actually - let's just say, climbing three flights of concrete stairs at any time. Although my ass is really looking good!

3. Fighting for a parking space near my building. It's like being at the mall on Black Friday - only without the creepy tent camping bargain hunters and the arrival of Santa Claus.

4. Feeling the wind blow - when the windows are completely closed.

5. Hearing the newspaper being delivered at 4:30 a.m. You can hear the car arrive. She leaves it running with the stereo on and the door open. She stomps up the stairs while talking on her cell phone, and then lugs the paper to our door. It's obvious she isn't worried about next year's Christmas tip.

6. Having a dryer vent that must be at least 30 feet long - nothing ever gets dry and there is certainly a huge fire hazard with the amount of lint that's got to be in there - yeah, like we need a fire hazard.

7. Living with rented everything - it's ugly and uncomfortable - and that's just the sofa, don't get me started on the pots, dishes, linens or these things that are supposed to be beds. (see "Hoardervention" for a description this mess)

8. Having no PRIVACY - anybody wanting to save money on birth control should live like this!

9. Being an alarm clock for my kids. Today went like this:

   6:20   My Alarm Goes Off
   6:30   Wake Her Royal Cuteness
   6:40   Wake Her Royal Cuteness again
   6:45   Grab a quick shower
   7:00   Wake Her Royal Cuteness one more time
   7:20   Panic and Realize I've forgotten to wake Favorite Son
   7:21   Get informed that Favorite Son's first class was cancelled and he meant to tell me last night
   7:45   Wake Favorite Son again
   8:00   Drive Her Royal Cuteness to school
   8:10   Answer cell phone call from Favorite Son and agree to wake him up when I get home
   8:20   Wake Favorite Son so he can go to school
   8:21   Drink coffee and take happyhappyjoyjoy pills

10. Waking up and not knowing where I am or who is in bed with me. Oh, scratch that second part, I do remember him. I am tired though of waking up and feeling lost even if I haven't had a good drunken spree in ages. I should at least have the joy of the alcohol before the depression of the reality.

So there you have it. I'm a selfish, ungrateful example of all that is wrong with humanity. Chew on that while I go enjoy the rainbows and the unicorns that are prancing in the parking lot beneath my apartment castle in the sky.