The Waiting......

This week marked the 24th anniversary of hubby's and my first date. Neither of us remember much about that night except that we ended up eating powdered donuts while we searched stores for a copy of  "Texas Chainsaw Massacre." The rest of the night is a rapidly, fading blur (aging and marriage do that to you). To celebrate that we actually remembered the date, he brought me roses...stale roses that died the next day. He really loves me.

We met in school, studying health and hospital business. That is what would-be medical professionals do when they can't pass college chemistry or faint at the sight of blood. It is a fascinating world out there in physician land, and we grow more fascinated (read annoyed) every day. That's because my daughter, Her Royal Cuteness, and I spend a lot of time in medical facilities - doctor's offices, imaging centers, physical therapy, orthodontic visits, etc. There is rarely a week when we don't have at least one appointment somewhere for something. The time varies and includes various stops in the waiting rooms, exam rooms, and then there is the actual appoinment time. I would hate to add it all up.

That has meant that we have developed various coping strategies to deal with the stress of waiting and then waiting some more. Did I mention that we spend a lot of time together at medical offices?

I thought that I might share with you our top ways to make these appointments more enjoyable.

1. Bribery : We have found that bringing goodies (particulary chocolate infused) to the office staff makes things much more fun. Most medical professionals live off of caffeine and sugar - so feed their addictions and they will love you for it!

2. Learn a cool trick : I taught my kids how to catch quarters off of their elbows in an exam room. I am sure that the repeated sounds of piles of quarters being dropped and thrown on the hard floor didn't bother anyone in an adjoining room. It was probably soothing like a gentle rain.

3. Give your medication history in colors : My brilliant child has taken so many different meds that she now uses the color wheel to describe them. One nurse actually typed in "pretty little green one" and "really pretty blue one" into her chart. You might want to bring a real list too...just in case there could be some weird pharmaceutical interactions.

4. Decorate your gown : We have been known to create glorious masterpieces out of the paper gowns that she is often forced to wear (in a room kept at sub-arctic temperatures). With a pen in hand I have drawn necklaces, lace, polka dots, and even ample cleavage onto her gowns. Probably not a good idea if your doctor splurges on real cloth gowns.

5. Play jokes on the staff : Her Royal Cuteness actually brought in chocolate covered cotton balls to her physical therapy office. They love us there!

6. Relax : One of her doctors came into the exam room only to find both of us sitting in a lotus position on the exam table intoning our mantra and slowly rocking to our own beat. "OOOmmmmm" didn't work for us, so we were quietly repeating "xanax, xanax, xanax" in between loud fits of hysterical laughter. It was very soothing...at least for us.

So try to remember that while medical facilities are places of serious business, you don't have to waste that valuable time that you spend waiting around...make the most of it!