1. I have become very nocturnal. Hot flashes during the night and needing to get up to pee do nothing to help me obtain any beauty sleep (and I need LOTS).
2. Eating over or near a trashcan has become the status quo. Like many other mothers, I eat the leftovers and often scrounge for remnants.
C. If the first two issues aren't enough to convince you, I have physical evidence. My face has a horrible black mask around my eyes!
It has gotten so bad that the other day my father asked me if I knew how I had gotten the bad bruise under my right eye. He may have been ready to report spousal abuse or something, but I had to show him close up that both of my eyes had that"shiner" look about them.
The mask that I have developed is puffy, red, irritated, and dry, just to name a few adjectives that the dermatologist would give clinically appealing and scary sounding names to. I have tried to use "concealer" so that I can avoid being mistaken for a zombie or body-snatcher when I am out of the house. This does nothing to hide the hideousness except make it look like I am applying makeup to cover what are certainly black eyes received as the result of some nefarious interactions. Sure you walked into a door - twice...wink wink nudge nudge.
What makes this even harder to handle, and lord knows I can handle a lot, is that I cannot even put any kind of lotion on them to give some relief. Whenever any substance that is designed to aid dry, irritated skin is applied, it burns fire like the gates of hell right through my face and into the orbital lobe of my brain. The searing pain from the soothing lotion is enough to make me want to claw my face off and put it in the freezer until it has cooled down from the temperature of the sun's surface to normal body temperature.
So now I am thinking of taking on an Elton John/Lady Gaga persona and getting myself some humongous and weird glasses that cover the majority of my face between... oh, say my mouth and hair.
Whatdoyathink?
Fabulous.
ReplyDeleteBut you need some Liberache bling as well.
:)
Weird glasses are "in" and raccoons are adorable. :) In facial diagnosis, under the eyes corresponds to the kidney area. A good acupuncturist could release any blockage.
ReplyDeleteMost lotions contain perfumes, dyes and a bunch of other crap which is why your face flames when you put it on. Try diaper cream. Although I suggest you try it at night, when you're not going out. Otherwise people will start thinking a whole bunch of things other than your husband beats you!
ReplyDeleteRaccoons are great.
ReplyDeleteExcept for that annoying rabies thing.
cute glasses :)
ReplyDeletelol about your eating over & around trash cans.
ReplyDeletehave you tried ice packs for some cooling relief? maybe you could tie a frozen gel pack eye mask around your head & wear it all the time. it would have the same affect at the crazy sunglasses, but soothing too.
If anyone can pull off this look I bet it's you.
ReplyDeleteJulianna - I'm thinking of just going naked, cause everyone will only be looking at my cool glasses, but some bling might be nice.
ReplyDeleteManzanita - I am SO fashion forward with my weird glasses - but no needles please!
Nicky - Butt paste on my face ?!?!...well maybe - I have heard of folks using preparation H on their eye bags too. I don't have either at home - so until I get out I'll stick to plain old petroleum jelly!
Al - Maybe I have face rabies?!?!
becca -Thanks! I think they make me look very sexy or mysterious or something...
Sherilin - good idea! I could look like the lone ranger and maybe wear my assless chaps!
Stephen - Thanks for your confidence - I am thinking about selling them on ebay. Interested?
I know you're going to think I'm trying to be funny, but I really serious here. Try some Preparation H hemorrhoid ointment under your eyes. Put it on before bed, and again lightly in the morning before you put on your makeup, or without makeup if that's your look. It will soothe the skin, and tighten it up to alleviate the dark circles. It's odorless, and it won't burn.
ReplyDeleteIt's so funny, I read humongous as homogeneous.
ReplyDeleteLoved this, especially the third-to-last paragraph (although it does sound painful, sorry to hear that...) Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteMG - I've been thinking about adding this to my "pick up while you're out dear" list!
ReplyDeleteCopyboy - Is that a gay slur?
LG - Thanks - It's hard to climb into bed and have your spouse go "Ewww" and not be a little self-conscious.
Youch! I'm sorry you have to deal with that! You're funny which helps mask the pain caused by your raccoon mask. I deal with tough stuff with humor too. If we don't laugh we cry, right?
ReplyDeleteI hope you heal soon.
I am laughing so much right now, I can barely type a comment. And boy, I can totally relate.
ReplyDeleteI like Nicky's suggestion. Using the diaper cream. In fact, I am going to try that out too!
Oh sorry, that sounds miserable. I'm glad you have a sense of humor about it. Raccoons are cute critters, those rascals.
ReplyDeleteSending healing thoughts,
xoRobyn
Yeah, you definitely don't want to get mistaken for a zombie. That has been known to cause a little post-mortem embarrassment.
ReplyDeleteGreat comparisons but sorry you are having the burning around the eyes. Normal as we age to have loose skin in that area and as it gets thinner the pooling of blood under the surface becomes more pronounced. I am baffled by your skin irritations though since that sounds more like shingles or gout? Have you changed anything in your diet lately that you might have had an alergic reaction to? W.C.C.
ReplyDeleteWow . that is cute!
ReplyDelete