I've been absent, I know. Guilty of not reading and commenting and all of that stuff. Actually I am trying to read as time allows but there are so many posts I want to get to. Blogger keeps removing blogs from my lists for some unknown reason and my feedler ate all of the blogs I am following. I am starting to think that the internet is out to get me.
It's not as though I haven't been thinking about all of you. It is a time of giving, so today I present you with some Laughingmom Itty-Bitty Bits of Wisdom.
Things that I have learned in the last few weeks:
Washing your cell phone will get you a pretty new iPhone. Washing clothes and dishes just gets you more dirty clothes and dishes.
Insurance claims people must have NO conscience. I don't really know how ours sleeps at night. Reporting incompetent people sure makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
If you are driving, your passengers will not appreciate you playing Words with Friends, unless you are playing with Alec Baldwin. The police REALLY aren't impressed with your amazing vocabulary either.
A tube of wrapping paper is really just a gift wrapped whacking tube.
Playing tennis after not having done so for over 8 years will make you hurt in places that you have forgotten in the last 8 years that you have.
When playing tennis and wearing trifocals the number one rule is "Don't look down." The balls also need warnings similar to your rear view mirror because they are always closer then they seem.
When a doctor calls 911 from his office, he REALLY has no clue how to help you. He will also make some really cool expressions.
If the hospital loses power during a storm, the exam rooms in the Emergency Department may have no emergency lights and will be PITCH BLACK. If you can find the door and open it, the hallway lights will brighten your room and your outlook.
When trying to find your car in the parking lot in the dark of night and during a driving rain, it would be smarter to use the little remote thingy to flash your car lights than to stand in the rain looking around.
When people say "the last step is a doozy" they may be referring to watching me fall down the unlit stairs into said parking lot.
My diet of chocolate candy bars and Twizzlers is working. I've lost 2 pounds. Results may not be typical. If you want to try it, you'll need to add an extraordinary amount of stress to the mix for similar results.
That is all for now.
You've been warned - the rest is up to you.
Feel free to add your own bits of wisdom to the comments!
My favorite is gift wrapped whacking tube!
ReplyDeleteI think if my doctor called 911 in front of me, I'd get a new doctor. Just sayin'
ReplyDeleteIt's OK. You don't need to check on me... nothing but gloom and doom at my place right now anyway.
i like the sound of your diet. my husband has been gone for work lately, so i've stopped making dinner. nachos, popcorn & chocolate chips fill my belly just fine.
ReplyDeletei'm sorry you got hurt in a dark, wet parking lot.
Okay, no fair. What exactly did you do that had your doctor calling 911 from his office? I would actually appreciate my doctor doing that because it gets you seen that much faster for an obvious emergency you were experiencing.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are okay. And we'll be around if you need us!
[And you have it wrong - they aren't whacking tubes - they are fo sword fights. Much more fun - and fair. :D]
Stephen - They get used by my daughter to whack her daddy's head! She is most anxious for me to start wrapping gifts.
ReplyDeleteJulianna - He would probably like a new patient (wasn't me). Sorry you are all Eeyore-ish.
Sherilin - I have also found ice cream to be a great addition to the diet. Luckily I didn't break anything - except my fall.
Skippy - It wasn't me acting up in the doctor's office, and everything is good now. Thanks for the concern. Swords are good too, once you've got two tubes - but the first one is definitely a whacking stick.
Oh, honey! Owie!!
ReplyDeletePearl
p.s. You are absolutely correct about the whacking tube. :-)
I put my phone in the dryer one time, but it didnt result in a new one because the darn thing still worked!
ReplyDeleteThe worse is showing the doctor something on your body and them gasping in horror. No, it wasn't my GYN. HA! I had a running injury where my toe nail split. It's lovely.
ReplyDeleteYou can lose 25 pounds in 11 days by spending those days in the hospital on an all-liquid diet.
ReplyDeleteAlso? When your doctor prescribes an "all-liquid diet" he will not think it's funny if you try to include scotch.
Insurance, how I hate thee.
ReplyDeletePearl - I got bruised, but luckily bounced rather than broke.
ReplyDeleteLeslie - The worst was when I washed and dried an ink pen in my son's pants pocket - talk about a huge mess!!!
Laura - Does your doctor gasp when he sees your name on his schedule?
Hoody - Had a diet after gum surgery where the only "solid" I had for a month was mashed potatoes. The doctor had the nerve to tell me that the diet was free of charge!
Ruth - Do these agents take Act like an Ass classes?
Now that sounds like a great diet. Much better than the one I'm on right now! Lots of great wisdom in this post (and funny).
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