30 Days of Writing - Favors I'd Ask of Satan

When Her Royal Cuteness read the list of prompts, her part-time dyslexia kicked in and she read "Favors I'd ask of Santa." I like that and am using it.
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Dear Santa,

There are a few things that you need to pay attention to as you make your stop in my home:

1. Please do not leave your dirty dishes lying around. When you are done with your milk and cookies, please rinse and put your dishes in the dishwasher. Honestly, I am trying to get my children to do this and you should know better by now.

2. If you have soot on your boots, please remove them at the hearth before you track it all over the carpet. Black sooty ash does not wash out. I speak from experience on this one.

3. When leaving edible gifts, please do not leave them within reach of the dog. One pineapple upside-down cake gets tripled in volume when thrown back up.

4. Would it be to much to ask for you to throw a few batteries in somebody's stocking? There are hardly any toys that don't require them. You really should get your elves working on including them in the manufacturing process. Oh and some volume control knobs would be great as well..

5. If your reindeer happen to leave a "deposit" outside, there is a pooper-scooper by the back door. You can just fling it over the fence as you won't be making any stops for the brats that live next door.

Thanks and have a safe flight,
Laughing Mom

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This 30 Days of Writing Challenge is brought to you courtesy of Nicky and Mike. They managed to convince a bunch of us to play along. If you want to read more cheesy posts, check out the ramblings of the crazy gang listed on the Linky thing at the latest post at We Work for Cheese.