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PHONE OPERATOR: 911. What is the nature of your emergency?
ME: I've been robbed.
OPER: Are you in danger?
ME: No, I'm fine but I have been violated and am feeling a little creeped out. If you could send over someone, I would feel much safer.
OPER: A unit is on the way and will be there shortly.
Several minutes later...
Kind Neighborhood Officer Witt Hall: What seems to be the problem?
ME: They stole it! They came under cover of darkness and went in my yard! I need you to do something about this!!
KNOWITALL: Calm down ma'am.
ME: No, sir. You don't seem to understand. I have been personally violated here and I want you to do something about this! Get a CSI crew! Take fingerprints! They came in the back gate!!
KNOWITALL: We can do all of that if we need to, but I need you to answer a few questions first.
ME: Okay. Shoot. I mean, don't shoot. Ask questions. You know - don't shoot first - ask questions later. Ask me your questions, and then you can shoot the thief!
KNOWITALL: What was stolen?
ME: My plant.
KNOWITALL: A plant?
ME: Yes. You see, it is kind of a long story, but last year my house burned down and when Spring sprung so did all kinds of interesting plants. They cropped up in all sorts of places. This was in the middle of my vegetable garden. The robbers took my most special plant. Not only that but when they left, they didn't latch the gate or close it completely. My dog could have gotten loose.
KNOWITALL: What kind of special plant did they steal? Something valuable?
ME: Did you hear what I just said? Not only is my plant gone, but my dog could have gotten out!
KNOWITALL: Where is your dog now?
ME: In the house.
KNOWITALL: So, the dog is fine, but the plant is missing.
ME: Actually the dog is a little neurotic.
KNOWITALL: Let's get back to the alleged robbery. Exactly what is missing? Some type of expensive plant, right?
ME: Well. We aren't sure and the folks in the blogosphere had their opinions here, but it was probably some type of hibiscus. It was just starting to bud, and then we would know for sure. But now, I guess we'll never know...(sniff.)
KNOWITALL: You called 911 for a stolen hibiscus?
ME: Well, after the hurricane it was quite damaged. It went from being about 7 feet tall to only having the bottom 2 or 3 feet still growing. I was going to call the insurance company and report that loss, but now that it is entirely gone, I'm thinking that a police report might be the right way to handle this. Besides, our insurance agent still doesn't want to deal with our fire claim from last year. He never would have answered my call for the plant! Do you want to start dusting for prints now?
KNOWITALL: Ma'am, I'm afraid that I can't generate an incident report without some better evidence of the value of your plant. I'm sorry that I can't be of more help.
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Anyone know the current street value of a hibiscus?
Yes, it is missing, stolen in fact. I feel a little like the dad in The Christmas Story after he has savored the smell of the turkey and then has it attacked by the neighbor's dogs and doesn't get to eat it.
I think that I hear Taps playing...
That's funny! Where is that darn CSI when you need them. Probably creating yet another CSI related TV show...
ReplyDeleteWho does that? I've had flowers from my garden clipped in the spring, but who takes a whole plant? Must have been one cool plant. And I'm sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteDidn't know you were plagued by roving gangs of hibiscus thieves.
ReplyDelete"They came in the back gate!!"
Sounds dirty.
Hmmmm, mysterious plant theft. Did you check the dog's alibi? Your description of the dog as neurotic made me laugh, then it made me suspicious.
ReplyDeleteStreet value on Hibiscus is about $30 a pound.
ReplyDeleteAt least that's what the nursey charges here for a 1 gallon plant.
Officer Knowitall didn't know that did he?
Well thank goodness the dog didn't get out, though.
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss, those pesky plant stealers!
who does that and where are the CSI guys when you need them. thank goodness the dog didn't get out. hugs hope you get your plant bck
ReplyDeleteThanks for all of the kind comments about my poor "hibiscus" plant. I guess I should have been clearer, but if you click the link to the previous post and check out the pictures, I think you will see why they stole the plant.
ReplyDeletePat- Thanks!I think the whole episode has been pretty funny.
Brent - Somebody who had been in my back yard most likely took it - perhaps one of the construction dudes...
Al - Filthy mind!!!... Love it!!
Nicky - Good thoughts - he might get paranoid if he's the guilty party. He always has the munchies so I can't tell from that!
Julianna - I think that they are probably selling it for a lot more!
Sandra - If the dog had gotten out - it would have been bad for the Hubby who saw the gate open in the morning and didn't do anything about it!!
becca - I'm a little mad that the dog isn't a better watchdog!
I like your sharp wit, especially in the face of such a violation. Sorry for your loss and thanks for the giggles.
ReplyDeletexoRobyn
As a gardener who obsesses way too much over his plants, if I lost, say, an eggplant pot, I wouldn't call the police, I'd go Charles Bronson on the neighborhood's ass.
ReplyDeletePlan nappers should be jailed with NO jury.
ReplyDeleteWhat the what? Who steals a Hibiscus plant? That's crazy!
ReplyDelete